#22

When it comes to life, don't let the others decide for you. You may listen to their opinions and advices but you have to remember that no one knows you better than yourself. You know what you are capable of, your abilities and what you truly love. Don't do something because it sounds fun. Each step has its good and bad, you have to know how to handle the bad and appreciate the good. Take your time to think whats good for yourself, every decision is a lifetime decision, no 'U' turn. The ups and downs of your life? Its you who will go through them, your friends can only help you with certain things but will not solve your whole life. You were the one who started the journey, so no one's gonna end it for you, only you. They don't know you like you do, believe in yourself.

#21

Yes, I'm very happy and I'm happy to see myself happy. x

Somehow I found my life is better without him. I often caught myself smiling and laughing for no reason lately. Oh and don't worry its not a mental disease. I smiled and laughed bcs I still couldn't find an actual reason why did I actually cried back then. I'm staring to see the sunshine again, feeling the love. Its not that I'm falling for anyone but, I think life is beautiful. Whops; stop right there. Cross that "think", bcs life is undeniably beautiful, you just gotta open your heart and accept everything that is happening right now. I've been welcoming few people in my life, I was a bit afraid to let them step into my life but you guys know what? Don't push people away, each of them brings different colour that makes your life is so colourful.

I have this one friend, my schoolmate actually. I don't talk about her that often but the trust I have for her is something that I have never gave to anyone before. She is one ordinary girl with extraordinary beautiful heart. Every time, I tell her about something. She would pull my hand and listen to me passionately. She would give her best sincere and honest advice or opinion of everything I need to do. And the fact that I would always have her back with every decision I'm making or I have made, proved that she is a true friend. She smiles when I smile, she cries when I cry and she is the happiest when I'm happy with everything I do. So today, I let her read my diary, my biggest secret of life and the moment when she closed the book, she hugged me really tight and cried so bad. She said...

"Sha, I've never taught you actually been through all these. If I was you, I'd probably give up and just kill myself. How can you be so strong?"

I hugged her and asked her to stop crying. I told her that life is life, I can't run, I can't hide.

Trust me, I might be just another 18 years old girl. But the things I've been through is something that 18 years girls out there have never done before. As I'm standing still in this beautiful world with nearly 8 billion people, I can't believe myself that I actually made it till today. My friends told me that I'm so mysterious, I don talk a lot but when it comes to my back and chest's pieces. I find it very hard to speak out, maybe bcs I'm afraid of judgement from people, I'm afraid that some people just won't understand. So I rather keep it all just to myself. You probably think that you know so much about me, but the truth is you only know a piece of paper from the journal of my life.

They said, I'm so good at hiding problems with faking smile. I laugh a lot, smile all the time. And its really hard to see me crying in front anyone. But trust me, I've cried thousand rivers and I still do. I'm not being hypocrite but being sad and crying for something that had happened wouldn't fix anything or bring back what has gone. That is why, I chose to put my best smile eventho deep inside me, I've already died.

So, I'm so thankful for these few days, it has been awhile since the last I smiled sincerely. I thank God, my family and everyone who just wouldn't get enough of me and my life.

I would trade my soul just to see these people smile bcs they have done so much things I couldn't pay off with anything I have right now, just to see me happy.

So my advice is, don't run from your problems. Face it and deal with it bcs problems are like shadows, they wont leave. Always believe that every problem has a solution, and don't worry, its okay to cry and break down sometimes. Just don't forget to pick yourself up again and fight for yourself and those who loves you. And don't forget to smile. Just smile. x

Toodles.

#20

I wanna be as free as a bird, I wanna fly away.

Oh. My. God. I'm turning 18 in about less than 48 hours! To be honest, I'm not actually sure of what to feel (?) Bcs things have been a total blur lately, since last year. Time has been passing by really fast , I can't seem to keep up. It feels like it was just yesterday when i turned 16 and now in about 2 days I'm turning 18? Really? What's the rush?

You know sometimes, I just miss being a kid. Bet most of us do huh? I mean like, think about it. Remember when we were all so care free, and we had nothing to lose, we did things without thinking, and falling in love was a really fun thing to do? It sucks how everything becomes so real and so serious as we grow up. It's like we can't have much fun anymore. Like we restrict ourselves from doing things because now, we think of the consequences, we think of what might happen if we have too much fun. And falling in love, we now think of where our relationship would be in years to come, we think of our future together, not in a cute kind of way, but in a serious, pathetic kind of way. And it sucks because all these things can't be controlled . It's like we're grown up enough to think that way and that's awful because i honestly miss being reckless everything. I miss doing things and getting grounded afterwards, I miss falling in love and then we break up and a few days after that we start laughing again. But those things don't happen anymore.

But i guess everything happens for a reason. I guess this is all a process of growing up? But well what matters most is that i've got the greatest family and friends around me. I'm beyond blessed to have them all. Especially my parents. And my girlfriends, my supportive, insane, lunatic girlfriends. The ones who who know every single detail about me, the ones who know all my secrets, the ones whom i trust more than anyone else, the ones who know me better that i'll ever know myself. So i guess there's always a positive side to everything.

Well, here's to positivity. Here's to me turning 18. Here's to 2013. x