Yes, I'm very happy and I'm happy to see myself happy. x
Somehow I found my life is better without him. I often caught myself smiling and laughing for no reason lately. Oh and don't worry its not a mental disease. I smiled and laughed bcs I still couldn't find an actual reason why did I actually cried back then. I'm staring to see the sunshine again, feeling the love. Its not that I'm falling for anyone but, I think life is beautiful. Whops; stop right there. Cross that "think", bcs life is undeniably beautiful, you just gotta open your heart and accept everything that is happening right now. I've been welcoming few people in my life, I was a bit afraid to let them step into my life but you guys know what? Don't push people away, each of them brings different colour that makes your life is so colourful.
I have this one friend, my schoolmate actually. I don't talk about her that often but the trust I have for her is something that I have never gave to anyone before. She is one ordinary girl with extraordinary beautiful heart. Every time, I tell her about something. She would pull my hand and listen to me passionately. She would give her best sincere and honest advice or opinion of everything I need to do. And the fact that I would always have her back with every decision I'm making or I have made, proved that she is a true friend. She smiles when I smile, she cries when I cry and she is the happiest when I'm happy with everything I do. So today, I let her read my diary, my biggest secret of life and the moment when she closed the book, she hugged me really tight and cried so bad. She said...
"Sha, I've never taught you actually been through all these. If I was you, I'd probably give up and just kill myself. How can you be so strong?"
I hugged her and asked her to stop crying. I told her that life is life, I can't run, I can't hide.
Trust me, I might be just another 18 years old girl. But the things I've been through is something that 18 years girls out there have never done before. As I'm standing still in this beautiful world with nearly 8 billion people, I can't believe myself that I actually made it till today. My friends told me that I'm so mysterious, I don talk a lot but when it comes to my back and chest's pieces. I find it very hard to speak out, maybe bcs I'm afraid of judgement from people, I'm afraid that some people just won't understand. So I rather keep it all just to myself. You probably think that you know so much about me, but the truth is you only know a piece of paper from the journal of my life.
They said, I'm so good at hiding problems with faking smile. I laugh a lot, smile all the time. And its really hard to see me crying in front anyone. But trust me, I've cried thousand rivers and I still do. I'm not being hypocrite but being sad and crying for something that had happened wouldn't fix anything or bring back what has gone. That is why, I chose to put my best smile eventho deep inside me, I've already died.
So, I'm so thankful for these few days, it has been awhile since the last I smiled sincerely. I thank God, my family and everyone who just wouldn't get enough of me and my life.
I would trade my soul just to see these people smile bcs they have done so much things I couldn't pay off with anything I have right now, just to see me happy.
So my advice is, don't run from your problems. Face it and deal with it bcs problems are like shadows, they wont leave. Always believe that every problem has a solution, and don't worry, its okay to cry and break down sometimes. Just don't forget to pick yourself up again and fight for yourself and those who loves you. And don't forget to smile. Just smile. x
Toodles.